Archive for August, 2012

August 2, 2012


I never knew what I was afraid of. I have always been afraid of dark and learning how to ride a bicycle, the fear of darkness vanished from within like a water bubble. When I was too young to understand what relationships are, I was terrible hurt and thought of not being close to anyone that I will be hurt again for which I kept my thoughts, my plans to my self till I thought that the time had arrived to reveal. I was afraid of swimming for which I drowned my self once fought till my last breathe to come out of it without anyone’s help (the irony is I still do not know how to swim).

Whenever I was afraid of anything, whenever I felt that something is panicking me, I did nothing but made my head so strong to come out of the fear. The fear of that particular thing. The fear of my own self to being afraid to face anything. The fear of the death while standing alone at the cliff of a mountain or in a crowd of an unknown city or walking alone on the beach at the mid of the night. I fought against my own fear to overcome it. I took al the risk which I thought of doing irrespective of the warnings or the protests.

But I am afraid now. Afraid of losing my LIFE, afraid of losing my SELF. I can fight no more. The head is not so strong. The heart is so damn weak. Suddenly, the water of the river is flowing uphill. I never told the air and the ocean was craving to listen.