Every move of hers blew me out. She was junior to me in school and I had my eyes set on her. I took the first step and she agreed to take the steps forward together forever. Many beautiful moments were lived together until one day she bid a farewell. Forever lasted for three months.
I felt the tears rolling down my eyes for a couple of days in the darkness and the heart bled in the day light till a girl who was around five years older than me came and held my hands. She not only helped me in my studies but also healed my bleeding heart. She hugged me so tight that I realized that my heart won’t bleed ever again. We had this secret affair. She texted me at three in the morning confessing her love and bidding a farewell. She vanished in the thin air as there was no contact of hers. No phone, no emails and none of her friends knew about her. The secret affair secretly broke up and the heart secretly wept, the devastated emotions were secretly hidden.
I was meant not to be in love. Ever. I was afraid to take another chance, a risk, and hurt myself. Moreover, it was impossible to think of anyone else. She was secretly travelling through my grey cells and flowing through my heart.The clock ticked, weather changed, places changed and so did life.
I was proved to be wrong by self and the one pole of the magnet was again attracting the another pole. Someone, again, entered into my life who was almost of the same age as mine. It started with a formal chat and became informal. The words of a few minutes became night long laughter. The first kiss was experienced and the same cup of coffee was shared. The lunch plates were always the same and there were never two cones of ice-creams. The heart felt that the time has come to settle down with this beautiful woman and have a stress free life but (this damn but always changes the whole meaning. Damn this but) it was not meant to be in that way. Society came into the picture and I became the antagonist. Everything was futile and every effort to convince went in vain. And we broke up, again.
The broken mirror can’t be joined without having a scar but the broken heart can be mend without leaving any ill experiences. The heart has decided to live a life without having any other affairs and break-ups. It was fed up with the social taboo and the trauma. It was not meant to be suffered every time. Neither the -OH group nor the consolations, neither travel nor the nature could heal my heart and I was in no position to trust myself in a relationship anymore. I knew that I won’t recover from it ever but I understood, after a few years of dwelling over, that it’s a waste pondering over things which I can’t change or handle. There is no point wasting life over the things which don’t value you.
I am, after a few years of struggle with the inner beast, happily settled now with a beautiful soul who accepted wholly. We have no particular place as we keep changing our location every other year. We are walking together towards our dreams which is secretly shared by us to live a life full of laughter.
None of my relationships was a delusion, none was based upon a fake emotion, none was meant for passing time and none of them were worth for me. I am thankful and my life is filled with gratitude without any angst and remorse.
The breakups joined me together after breaking me apart.